So where are we this week? Oh yes: we are all in need of finding our inner souls while we align our third chakra, because it’s time to get into the Now and Zen and delve into this last week’s episode.
How’s about giving me in “ooommmmm” so we can start this “Zeebriefing”?
- Let’s get the murder of the week out of the way, because in the grand scheme of things—and of this episode—it really wasn’t all that important. Some new age Zen guru got his brain splattered—literally. There was only one witness to the murder and description he gave was sketchy, but it was just enough to find a pair shoes in a dumpster that matched the guy who worked with is an guru. Only the Zen guru wasn’t killed by the duty worked with, he was killed by a former business partner we help send up the river for a few years. One who kinda look like a bum once he got out of prison, but after a shave and a haircut dressed up pretty neat and clean. Only he left behind half-drunk forty with his prints and DNA all over the bottle. Seriously, the moment they showed the bomb describing a running man, I knew he was the dude who did the killing. So let’s move on—
- Because the crime was so easy to solve, Liv (Rose McIver) and Clive (Malcolm Goodwin) spend most of the episode with Liv spouting off new age-isms she’s gotten from eating Mr. Zen’s brain and Clive reacting to said new age-isms. In short, neither one of the main characters really got a hell of a lot to do this time. And there’s a simple reason for that—
- Blaine (David Anders) is now working as a piano lounge singer! We see this right off the bat, as the show opens with Blaine singing and Peyton (Aly Michalka) sitting at the bar watching. Blaine more or less deus exes himself into the job, but this is something he had to do because how else could he be in a place where he could see Peyton and Peyton can see him without anyone getting suspicious? Hey, stranger things in life have happened.
- Though he might need the work now, because Blaine gets screwed out of the thirty-two million dollars he inherited. How is this possible? Because his father, Angus (Robert Knepper), is no longer dead, something to which Peyton, pretending to be Blaine’s lawyer, can attest to being true. Ergo, all that money goes back into Angus’ pocket, which he’ll then used to open a bar called The Scratching Post, a zombie friendly locale that will cater to a specialized clientele. Of course Don E (Bryce Hodgson) has a little something to do with this scheme, but that’s an extremely little something, if you catch my drift. One gets the idea that Angus is not going to have a problem giving Don all the shitty jobs to come along—like sending them out to get his coffee.
- Doctor Katty Kupps (Christina Cox) is still hanging around and begins explaining to Ravi (Rahul Kohli) how she had come across another person who was found with brains in their stomach. Only that person was a woman who died in a plane crash, though her flesh gave every indication that she had died months before. And, surprise, she was also at the Lake Washington Massacre. Oh, and Dr. Kupps has something she wants to discuss with Robbie in private—
- Major (Robert Buckley) isn’t having the easiest of time at Zombie Training Camp. Unlike all the other zombies were playing soldier who, it turns out, had been soldiers pre-zombie, Major doesn’t have the same moves. I take that back: he’s the only other guy who doesn’t have the same moves, as there is one other person, Justin, who’d been in the same position prior to joining the undead. Turns out before having to tan and dye, Justin had been a DJ at the—wait for it—Lake Washington Massacre. Damn, what a surprise! Major and Justin strike up a friendship and even go back to Major’s house one night so they can play dance video games, which allows live the opportunity to show up and bust a few moves with the ex-DJ.
- What no one else really knows, though, is that Major is dying. He finally has to tell Ravi who determines that he is succumbing to fluid buildup in the lungs and has a matter of weeks before he hits final death. His only hope is to take Ravi’s cure which will keep him from dying but wipe out his memory. Only, that’s Ravi’s first cure: there is now a second cure which could bring back Major’s memories, or it could kill him. It’s hard to say which will come first.
- There is, of course, a way to test the second cure: they can give it to Blaine. Assuming Blaine will take it. So Blaine and everyone else show up down at the morgue and Ravi lays out the deal. Blaine listens carefully and gives his answer: no fucking way. Blaine may have to live with memory loss, but he still living and he wants to keep it that way. Ravi is trying to convince him to do the right thing and take to cure, but this is the moment when Liv, Major, and Peyton, all step up and agree with Blaine: if he doesn’t want to take it he shouldn’t have to.
- Ravi considers all these arguments—and becomes a thoroughly horrible cunt who begins reminding everyone that Blaine is a shitty person and the right thing to is to make the shitty person to take the experimental cure. And if he should die, oh well, fuck it, he was a shitty person, who gives a shit? Well, Peyton, for one, gives a shit, and she tells Ravi in no uncertain terms that he’s acting like a dickhead and she can’t figure out why Ravi is guilting the fuck out of everyone to make Blaine the sacrificial guinea pig. Therefore he doubles down on his dickisness and tells Peyton that the reason he’s acting this way is because he loves her. In the momentary silence where everybody seems about ready to lose their shit Blaine steps up and agrees to take the second care.
- So that’s the end of that drama, right? WRONG! In one of the oldest tropes in the book Peyton shows up at Ravi’s place in the middle of the night, ‘s fully aware that Robbie loves her, but she also recognizes that the biggest reason they haven’t been able to get together is because of him and his indecisiveness. Ravi’s in a robe and slightly drunk, but not so drunk that he doesn’t understand what she’s saying and promises her that he’ll work hard to make things right. But just as he’s moving into the big kiss, there’s a sound from the kitchen–a sound which Peyton investigates and discovers the oldest trope in the book, that Doctor Kupps is here, also dressed in a robe and slightly drunk, which means Ravi and Katty have been fucking. This causes Peyton to storm out of the house and head back to the same piano bar were Blaine is playing. As Liv comforts her friend, Don E happens to walk by and finds his old boss tickling the ivories…
Personal Notes: After two excellent episodes this third episode comes off as fairly weak. As mentioned above, the murder of the week was really unimportant and listening to Liv spouting verses of New Age Zen bullshit not only got old after a while, but it seemed as if she was really there to be something of a scene filler.
That’s because the real story was Ravi’s Pending Meltdown, which did come. The only thing is, he didn’t so much meltdown as become this huge asshole who didn’t seem to be trying to get across to Peyton that he loved her as much as he was trying to convince everyone, in his cuntish way, that they should force Blaine to do something he didn’t want to do, something that could kill him. Even though we know Blaine truly is a shitty person, the way the scene played out you actually ended up feeling sorry for Blaine, which is something that should never happen.
And then the whole scene at the end with Peyton busting in on Ravi and getting them both to nearly reconcile, only to discover at the last moment that Ravi has been mending his broken heart by going balls deep inside Dr. Kupps. Sorry guys, but this trope is so worn out that it’s literally a zombie of its own, and while the show may have its fair share of zombies, this is one that should’ve been left in the ground to rot and fester.
This is really not the sort of episode one expects from iZombie, and I certainly hope that we don’t see another one like this come along in a while—or ever.
As always, leave a comment below and tell us how we did!
Liv (Rose McIver)
Ravi (Rahul Kohli)
Major (Robert Buckley)
Clive (Malcolm Goodwin)
Peyton (Aly Michalka)
Blane (David Anders)
Don E. (Bryce Hodgson)
Angus McDonough (Robert Knepper)
Katty Kupps (Christina Cox)